question.

so, this may be jumping the gun, but what do i do next week if i'm not pregnant? where do we go next? i've been thinking this would be a rather final event. we're "out of sperm". yes, we could get more, but not instantly. we would have a 6-month hold, per FDA regulations, since we are using a donor. and, call me dramatic but a 6-month hold sounds like a jail sentence. yes, it could also be a freeing "explore the world" time span. a thorny stick with a rose on the end. who knows.

can you sense the mental torture of all this?

plenty of people have voiced the "you just have to live each day at a time" pacification, to try to give me some perspective. living just a day at a time is hard. plans take forever to come to fruition at a day at a time. and particularly these last two weeks. none of these days are that important until that day 14 day. or so it feels. right, this "finding out if i'm pregnant" can't be the only purpose in my days. what about work? friends? family? hobbies? working out the mental process of this, though, feels so much more significant, self-indulgence notwithstanding. and that's how this "day by day" thing is going.

so, though pre-emptive, my current question is how much more of this do we keep doing? how many times do you try IUI before you give up, or decide that maybe it's just not "meant to be" (as if not getting pregnant is, perhaps, a "sign"). That's what I went into this process with. We had a limited amount of "seed", and we've used it up. If it isn't fruitful, do we take that as a sign that it's not supposed to happen? Or do we get more?

A friend of mine suggested that you keep trying until you decide you just mentally and physically can't do it anymore. well, i think i could keep going. but... if it's not going to work, it just seems wasteful. no, i don't know if it's not going to work, but... when do you concede to that?