there are so many thoughts jumbled in my "mommy-brain" (half-functioning, it seems) right now. I keep telling myself I need to schedule a writing time into my life, and I keep not doing it. It is becoming glaringly apparent to me that I am poor with both discipline and time management, and these weaknesses are affecting me lately on so many levels across the areas in my life. I want to turn a new leaf... and I guess the only way to do so is to do it... but then there's the stick-to-it, and I'm not sure what I need to develop that. It's not too natural, I'm afraid...
I don't really know if anyone actually reads what I am writing, but if you do, please feel free to pipe in with encouragements and advice regarding the aforementioned weaknesses of mine. I could use some friends to support and challenge me in the journey.
I read a quote a few weeks ago (on somebody's facebook, who was quoting someone else, who I cannot give due credit because I don't remember) that went something like this regarding the passions/visions that God gives you: If he gives them to you, he has already equipped you to bring them to fulfillment. That idea keeps floating through my mind, and I have a few visions, let me tell you. If I look back at my life, I can see how it has been true, and how certainly, God is the giver of the vision and the capability. To mention a few, job changes, marriage, and becoming a parent through adoption. He has always been way ahead of me, and He has always faithfully walked me through. Now, the challenge, I feel, is determining - is this God's vision or mine? And so, I try to patiently (and with fear and trembling, often) inch through the ideas. But often, I think, I don't pursue them, and I think that has sometimes been unfortunate. So, I have a few ideas that I'm going to share here, and make "public" and perhaps that will be my first step to working away at them, as God provides the way. The ideas have been conceived, and somehow need to be nurtured. I am longing for this kind of "growth" in my life.
1. writing about adoption. I have this scary idea (scary to me, because of all the unknowns) to ask our birthmom to write a book with me, sharing both of our experiences from our "opposite" sides along this journey. I think this could be helpful in our own processing, but also helpful to others experiencing a similar journey.
2. developing therapy APPs. ya, totally unrelated to infertility... but related to me. I recently bought an IPAD for my work, and have found a surprising lack of APPs that I could (and would want to) use in therapy with the kids I work with. I have ideas for what I would want to be available... but they do not exist. yet. so... maybe I could somehow do this? The idea is totally overwhelming as I have no knowledge about computer programming and/or how an APP is developed... But, I do have the idea of what one could be... so I think my first step is finding someone who can do write an APP? and again, I seriously have no idea where to start...
3. developing a more structured schedule for my Monday - Friday. The new school year is seriously right around the corner. I feel like summer has just barely begun. We have a busy two weeks ahead, with family camping followed by a trip to California to celebrate my sister's wedding, and as soon as we get home, I'm back to school. I don't have childcare lined up, don't have a schedule of what days I will be working, and honestly, have maybe slightly avoided both for too long, in efforts to have a "relaxing" summer. I have been working some during the last month or so, but haphazardly, with very inconsistent childcare and minimal routines. One result of that has been that I haven't really accomplished things that I wanted to accomplish, nor taken advantage of things going on that I had hoped to. We've had nice relaxing days at home, visits here and there, pool time, gardening, walks with the dog, all at a pretty relaxed pace. While part of me craves the routine of the school year, another part of me wonders how I think I'm going to adjust to it. I am trying to be a better "planner", and not leave things to the last minute, which ultimately just stresses me out.
so... in keeping with the blog... I'm trying to work on being "fertile" again.
fer·tile
[fur-tl or, especially Brit., -tahyl] adjective
1. bearing, producing, or capable of producing vegetation, crops, etc., abundantly; prolific: fertile soil.
2. bearing or capable of bearing offspring.
3. abundantly productive: a fertile imagination.
4. producing an abundance (usually followed by of or in ): a land fertile of wheat.
5. conducive to productiveness: fertile showers.
4. writing here. obviously, my previous idea about writing weekly was unsuccessful. I'm not ready to commit to a day yet, but will add it to my to do list. ;)
