it's been lots and lots of days since i have taken the time to write. i think about it often. i think about it when i'm falling asleep, in the shower, feeding our baby, driving, and any number of other times that i'm not in front of a computer or able to task switch and sit down to write. i tell myself from time to time when i'm thinking about things that i want to write about, "remember that...", but, you know how that goes. in a college writing class years ago (seriously... time flies) i remember digesting the idea that the first step towards "writing well" (check out William Knowlton Zinsser, "On Writing Well") was actually writing. so here i am. i'm not sure this rambling on was what he would be so pleased about, but i'm trying. i'm writing. maybe not well yet, but hopefully this will get me back into a habit. there is so much i would like to process through writing from these last 104 days and before them.
my plan is to try to set aside time on Tuesday Mornings to write. tuesdays i am home with no work on my schedule. i am happy that tuesdays, i can wear comfy clothes, choose whether or not to bother showering, play on the floor with my happy three-month-old, and i would like to build in writing... during nap time? we'll see; i don't really have a good plan yet. i know, i should.
so what am i going to write about? i think i need to write about a few different things. the obvious, infertility ultimately led us to adoption - chance, providence, miracle, what i was hoping for... and our hope was finally realized. but none of it has been simple. not for this little head and heart, at least. like all things in my experience, what we plan, look ahead to, try to prepare for, rarely goes as anticipated, but living, stepping forward, has brought things that stretch us, bless us, (scare us, anger us, frustrate us, hurt us), heal us, grow us... that's the "angle" i've chosen to try to live from, in this continued journey of growing, accepting, hoping against, living with, infertility.
i don't anticipate a progression or storyline in my writing right now. i just have several blurbs of thought, emotion, experience to try to put into words. i'm hoping i can remember, but i suppose new ones will emerge as well.
upcoming perhaps - blurbs about maintaining an open adoption, taking thoughts captive, difficult relationships, sleep deprivation, prayer, unanswered questions and bad obgyns, supporting friends, establishing our home routines, lullabies, boundaries and letting people into our experience, post-placement visits, dreams come true, being a working mom, missing pregnancy and still hoping for a miracle, sharing others' joy and celebration, answering "would you guys do it again"?, loneliness, and home improvements...
tuesday morning. looking forward to it.
