time keeps moving forward.
last week that little precious baby boy was likely born, that i had dreamed would be mine. vivid dreams, hopes, plans, onesies, diapers, and all. i hope all those hopeful and loving thoughts and gestures somehow contribute to some kind of goodness in his life. i believe that things worked out for the best. my loss is someone else's gain. i pray with kindness for his birthmom, who, i knew even when we met for the adoption planning, wanted him so much.
today, a new expectant couple is supposed to be looking at our "profile", we've been told. i'm humbled again by this process. we are positioned in this place of hoping for something that ultimately comes from someone else's loss or misfortune. my idealistic thinking can craftily shape the situation to be otherwise. adoption IS, afterall, such a beautiful gift. but it is also filled with brokenness. pain, shame, regret, inadequacy, fear, lack of support, broken dreams, loss. hopefully adoption provides some measure of redemption or an answer to some of those things... a resolution to an unexpected plot change in someone's story....
so i wonder, what really do i pray? i feel i can't at this point just pray for this to "work out in our favor". there seems to be something much bigger going on. i pray for truth and peace and hope and grace to fill this situation. that this experience wouldn't just be one that brings further joy to MY life, but to the expectant couple of this baby. and if adoption is the next part of moving forward, and if we are the intended parents, that we can offer that joy and hope and grace... to all involved.
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