riders

it struck me tonight that we are not the only ones riding this roller coaster of month to month fertility treatments and IUI cycles. so many people in our life are riding with us. sure, maybe we're in that high-risk front seat that has the most suspense and scare as the ups and downs happen... but this journey has an emotional effect on the people who love us.

i noticed this tonight in the reactions of family as we talked about the events of the day. this morning was our third and final (for now anyway) artificial insemination. i sensed a hesitation in the 'hopeful comments' that were/were not offered. maybe these are a safeguard for us in a way. but also for them, i think. we won't get too prematurely excited because, well... we don't want to get your hopes up, especially if there is just going to be disappointment. win, win, right? if something miraculous DOES occur, then you get to be all the more excited. but this feels like being cheated in a way. i want to be freely excited and hopeful now.

it's interesting hearing people put voice to the emotions they experience on our behalf ~ or on their own, as there are several stakeholders in this process. hopeful friends, longing grandparents, concerned siblings. especially interesting when the emotions seem stronger or more free than my own. again, more evidence to me, i believe, that we all experience this journey uniquely.

so today begins the two week waiting period. like the gestation period of baby chicks (give or take a week). we will try hard not to count our chickens before they hatch... (we had 5 nice looking follicles) and i think time will not tick fast enough.

i am so grateful for the "riders" with us. Jeremy sent a mass text message this morning to most of them, asking for their prayers. what an amazing thing. in another analogy, all these "burden bearers" along side us (or behind... in the train...) really do some how lighten the load. they share as best they can, each in their own way, and help us feel a little less alone, as we venture forward, not knowing what twists and turns might be ahead. even if we have to face them directly, those "riders" behind us are sharing the experience. thanks. for care, for perspective, for just being with us.