putting on and putting off taking off the baby fat.

i've been mulling over this post for a while. hoping that putting it in print will be some sort of kick in the butt to start doing something about it...

a few seemingly connected thoughts, or admissions. first, i have more than a little jealously of any woman who has kids and a little extra weight that doesn't rapidly disappear after babies. it's like a right of passage that i don't ever get to take advantage of.  i'm readily willing to extend encouraging and gracious words to any of these women - even if their kids are adults. whatever. you carried 3 children (or some variation of that).  second, there is not much sympathy from health professionals for weight gain related to infertility. a few might let it slide - "the stress of it all" - but generally, the encouragements include "daily exercise", and "eat a better diet". there's no projected "gain" expectations. empty womb? keep the pounds off.  third, i've found that mild depression (seasonal, situational, or otherwise) is actually nicely treatable with a box of cheezits or a hershey bar, but "fat and happy" only lasts so long... until the season changes and you don't fit into your "spring clothes" from last year. crap. how did that happen?

so. i'm feeling like i'm "back at square one" again with the whole healthy body situation. i've been here before. it's been some time though, and who knows where my motivation, discipline, and energy came from back then. but i need to find it back. buying new pants is not an option. so where do i start?

i read ("last time") some article about choosing just a few changes to your lifestyle (in effort to lose the pounds) was the most effective way to stick with a new program. i've chosen three. 1. no more diet coke (drink water instead) or soda (exception is a sip of jeremy's coke when i really just want a taste), 2. smaller portions (exception is low sugar fruits or veggies), 3. daily exercise. (i desperately want to write in an exception here, just for the control of it, but seriously. i need to get my butt in gear.)

i know i'm draggin' a bit, friends.
the unending waiting is wearing on me lately.
my body hurts. i'm tired. feeling like "blah" a lot.
i have felt better.
hopefully that will happen again.