hopes to grow. a little update.

for months already people have been asking us about "when we're going to go for number 2".  i suppose it's a natural question for a parent of toddlers and though for us it feels a bit complicated, it's not been an unwelcome question. i want more kids. no secret.

i have a bunch of friends who have more than one child and most of them weren't so intentional about "planning for" or deliberating having a second (or third) baby. also, none of them have done so by adoption. so to be honest, i haven't had many conversations about planning or readying for "another one". and isn't it just sort of supposed to be a blur? in all the busyness of life it sort of just happens and there you are with 2 babies, or 3, and so on.  ridiculous maybe but i think that's sort of what i expected it to be like, before all the reality hit us.  our process has certainly not been "in our control" - we fully believe that God's intervention has been present all the way through - and it did have its surprises along the way. but, there's definitely been much calculation, preparation, in so many ways, and please forgive me for ever having assumed all families wouldn't have the same experience, because, it's all one day at a time for each of us.
we are "putting our name in the hat" again (as some say), or applying again to be considered as adoptive parents - hopeful that this is in God's plan for our life.  not a lot different really than the couple hoping to get pregnant. out of our control. hoping for God's favor. trusting in his interaction, in his redemptive grace. conceding to wait for his timing, to faithfully do what we can do in the process, but ultimately to wait.  our reality is that we're dependent on his allowing conception in another person's life and family... another person that will have big hard decisions ahead, coupled with loss, hope, dreams, trust, faith. another person who will be, in some shape or form, an extension of our family. we wait and wonder and do our part to be prepared if and when the time comes.

we have no idea how long or short this process will be this time. but i have an inkling it could all happen very fast once the ball gets rolling.

so today, and in the last few weeks, especially,
i find myself taking in the moments a bit more intentionally
cuddling a little longer after my little guy (27 months) falls asleep in my arms
listening to his breaths, the rhythm of his heartbeat
not rushing to get to the my to do list
but just absorbing these slow moments a bit deeper
because they are beautiful and because life changes so quickly.
it's unbelievable to me at times how quickly he has changed from
baby to waddler and toddler and now so much a "little boy"
with his own ideas and interests and humor and ability. yes he's
still far from not needing his mama... :)
but the slow moments are few and far between and its all "mommy
come here" and "dance mommy dance" and listening to him sing
the entire ABC song or "Twinkle twinkle" with a twinkle in his eye...
and "lets go.... " here there and everywhere. 
he brings this delight into our lives that i couldn't have imagined.

and it's ever more eye brightening to imagine him with a playmate, a sibling,
to show and tell and giggle with, and i so long for a table full of them, really.
that said, if it never happens, we lack nothing. but if it could happen, how much more
joy?

so, it's that time. we started talking about it last spring, decided in November, and here we are starting the process again, meeting with our social worker in a couple of weeks to renew all of our paperwork, etc. Safey audits, medical forms, review of finances, letters of reference, and "Child Characteristics Checklist" which i seriously five pages long. So ya, it's a little different of a process... whew...
I will try to share along the way, and invite you into this journey with us.
it feels a bit different this time, perhaps with a sense of knowing a slight bit more what we can expect; and perhaps that makes for a desire to share it. we'll take it day at a time, because although it feels like a lifetime ago, memories come quickly back of the ups and downs we know could be upon us soon enough. par for the course, perhaps. we trust that God will give us all that we need as we put our hope in Him.
and we are so excited!