so, in typical carla fashion, i jumped into this new mission. seminars, workshops, agency visits, library and internet searches, and borrowed books (coupled with advice) from friends who'd done their homework on adoption. we decided on an agency (recommended by said friends) and signed up to begin a homestudy. i remember those weeks/months to be full of anxiety (which we later discovered had been quite unnecessary anxiety) but so it is with walking into unknown territory when you feel you have to prove something to someone or some governing body, i suppose. in this case, "are we eligible to be parents". health records, physical exams, FBI checks, home and fire inspections, personal references, etc... i remember thinking - "this is more invasive than getting my greencard!"
the homestudy process also require us to answer a series of essay questions about our upbringings, our marriage, experiences in our pasts that shaped our values, our reason for choosing adoption as a way to build our family, our perspectives on discipline, our goals and dreams for the future... really a great process that all future parents should invest in, i'd imagine. i remember feeling a large weight of responsibility in terms of being "intentional" in starting a family - if we get the choice, shouldn't we be ever so careful. again, perhaps a process all future parents should pace out... but one i just didn't expect. why couldn't we be like every other surprised couple who finds out they are pregnant and all of the sudden has to make adjustments and changes to make it work. instead, we were set up for a timely and step-by-step expectancy that had no due date. "it could be tomorrow or two years from now" ~ neither a threat nor a promise.
we finally completed our homestudy around April, if memory serves, after some face to face meetings with a designated social worker. these meetings were the in person version of our essay questions, i suppose, but ended up being quite an encouragement to us. our social worker was able to provide some perspective about the emotional roller coaster of the process of waiting (as she put it) for our arms to be full. she was candid about the realities of what we were walking into, and affirming of the emotions we may experience. she gave us advice about how to relate to birth family members in the future, and shed some light on what kind of scenarios were possible. one story that she shared, i will never forget. she told us of a couple she had just worked with who finally receieved their first child through adoption. she shared that the couple waited exactly nine months from the completion of their home study to getting "their arms full", and it was evident that she thought that was the coolest thing ever. I smiled on the outside but on the inside i was thinking "nine months?! i hope it dosn't take us that long..." and alas...
nine months really IS a long time. April was only SEVEN months ago and i struggle to remember the details of all that happened. in our seven months since completion of the homestudy, we've waivered... our journeying has been rocky, challenging, often feeling uphill with no destination, or one that's seemingly unreachable. we were on one side of a cliff, seeing our dream on a completely different mountain. we needed a bridge (or helicopter!) to get there. more doctor's appointments, surgery, hormones, and IUI attempts... none did the trick. the feeling of hopelessness crept around, with every failed attempt. an emotional rollercoaster perhaps self-induced ~ but i don't regret any steps in the process. we didn't give up... (sure, we took little "breaks" along the way) , trying after our goal - to be parents... with what resources were available to us.
and so where are we now?
i suppose we're in the bridge building stage... having been "chosen" by birth-parents, we are working on the foundations of building a relationship with the birth-family members of this precious baby boy who is due in January. they will forever be a part of our lives, and we of theirs. this is a "bridge" we don't have an exact design for. how exactly will our families connect and interact? but i suppose it's one we will design together.
humbled and in awe of what all of this means...
what are the chances?
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