so it's monday. i took a "snow day" and have been hanging out with our little guy who so desperately wants to learn to roll over and who will babble my ear off all day. i am so in love with him! the joy of the reality of having our little boy, and the reality of our day to day events because he is in our life changes so much of everything. so, despite my plans to write here on tuesday mornings, it just hasn't happened. today, on my unplanned day at home, while baby is napping (which is starting to have an acual routine to it) i thought i'd take a few minutes.
much like our life, i'm not really sure where this blog is headed. not sure what to do with it. fact is, i am still infertile. i still (not to sound at all greedy or ungrateful for what we have) want more children. i still pray that a miracle would happen. i still grieve that i haven't been able to be pregnant and wonder what that would be like and if it ever, just maybe, might happen.
my husband and i recently reopened the conversation about "having kids". i asked him, after putting our 4 month old to bed for the night, "do you see us having more children?" and he said "no". however, knowing that his first response typically IS "no" to anything, i tried to not let it phase me too much and figured i'd let the idea simmer for a little while. indeed, when we talked again a few days ago, he had budged to "as long as it happens before I'm 40"... i figure i have a little wiggle room. at least he's open. much less stressful and hopeless than the opposite. of course, none of this actually means we WILL have more children, but at least there's freedom to dream and wish and plan for it to happen. the next question is how. i realize our little bundle is only 4 months. but given how long it took for him to enter our lives, there's (hopefully) no harm in preparing well ahead of time.
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