this morning i had an appointment with a different doctor in our fertility clinic since ours had the day off. I was told last week when i went in for my first "scan" that this would be happening and at first i was a little turned off. just one more case of being passed around. how many more people do i need to be examined by? is it a regular thing to switch between doctors? but i decided that it might be a positive change. I'd heard only positive comments about this other doctor in the practice. so, in i went, for my second scan.
this visit was different. i had the "new nurse" again, from last week. she was kind and calm. (maybe sometime later i'll write about the past experiences in this clinic that have been less than comfortable). she reminded me that the other doctor would be seeing me, after giving the regular instructions (empty bladder, everything off from the waist down, use the sheet on the table to cover up, feet in the stirrups. check.) the new doctor knocked, checked if i was ready before entering, introduced himself, and had a very different countenance than what i've become accustomed to. he was positive, cheerful, encouraging, and optimistic. "how are those eggs doing? let's take a look!" i think i almost smiled.
and to top it all off, this doctor actually allowed me a little discretion, managed to do the internal ultrasound without having to get his head under the sheets. (sounds crass, i know. but seriously.)
so the verdict from today - i have 2 or 3 really "happy eggs" (as he called them - "happy eggs grow quickly") and about 20 others that are smaller that we'll continue to watch in the next few days. i looked at those "happy eggs" and another smiled came on my face. they looked like the 3 bears. one large, one medium, and one small.
he even gave me a picture!
what's also interesting is that the doctor had looked at my history over the last several months from other visits, surgery, etc. and had some new information that i hadn't heard before. he discussed the variables that might have been factors in the lack of success in our other IUI cycles, including that in my last attempt "[my] estrogen level was crap" at only 238. Apparently he thinks it should be more like 400+ if we're likely to have success. (i don't really know what those numbers mean, however....) but that brought up more questions - "then why did he (our doctor) go ahead with it? he knows we have limited chances..." which this doctor couldn't exactly explain. He gave me some advice in terms of what to ask our doctor and what to keep an eye on in the next week... so i'm feeling a little more informed. i'm sure even this guy is giving me a limited scope of information, but at least it's more than i had before.
on my way out i picked up my free copy of "Conceive" magazine, stopped at the market to get some fruit & veggies... i'm working on keeping an optimistic attitude (which almost moves me to tears). i feel hopeful, and yet very aware that this is all so completely out of my control. i'll do my part as best as i can and trust that just as i am fearfully and wonderfully made, my Creator can do all things ~ and far more abundantly that all we ask or imagine. so i'm again just humbly praying for his favor on us as we long for new life.
a good friend recently reminded me that she continues to uplift us in prayer, and her prayer is that God will "release a soul" for us to love and care for. beautiful.
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